Taking Sides
by vardaquareien
Summary: Darcy & Jane haggle over superheroes.


**AN: **Argh I don't even know. This is the result of spending too much time reading Darcy Lewis fics and having the characters' voices stuck in my head. Umm and apparently the voices were drunk. And I need sleep.

So apologies (and warnings) in advance this is raw straight outta my brain (I know, _scary!_)

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"There are more things on heaven and earth Jane Foster than are dreamt of in your philosophy!" Darcy exclaimed, pointing her finger emphatically at the diminutive astrophysicist and draining the glass in front of her.

"I don't philosophy." The aforementioned scientist screwed up her face, quite visibly trying to make her alcohol soaked brain work, and frowned. "Uh... philophisize. Philosophilize," she flapped her hands about impatiently. "_That_. It's not science!"

"Oh! Science! That's just it Janey you're always all about the science!" declared Darcy.

"So?"

"So if you're all sciency all the time then Thor doesn't come under your purview."

"Purview?" Jane raised a delicate eyebrow at the younger woman.

"Hey, I know words!" she huffed crossing her arms and sending the other woman a glare. "In fact words are on my side." Darcy gave a satisfied smile and raised her eyebrows right back at Jane.

"Your side?" Jane echoed.

"Are you going to repeat everything I say? Yes my side." Darcy flailed an arm in Jane's direction "You; science, math, black and white type shit." She gestured to herself. "Me; social sciences, humanities, arts, shades of grey stuff." With an emphatic nod she reached out for the bottle and poured another drink, then peered speculatively at Jane. "Thor's on my side. He's mythology. Ergo not your purview."

"But Thor's mine!" Jane wailed.

Darcy nodded sympathetically and patted her friend on the shoulder. "I know honey but you're all about the science! and Thor's most definitely humanities... which is kinda ironic seeing as he's not human. Hmm... I wonder if they study Æsirities on Asgard?" she mused before noting the pout on the other woman's face. "There, there, Janey. You can pick another Avenger; one that's on your side."

The scientist's face brightened. "Yeah I could have Iron Man and the Hulk. They're _both_ on my side." She sculled the remainder of her drink with a smug expression.

"Humph _fine_. Then I want Hawkeye!"

"_Really?_" a male voice broke in suddenly. Both women jumped and swung around to find the man himself standing with a smirk on his face while his teammates emerged from the elevator behind him.

"No way, he's mine too!" Jane argued standing up and miming shooting a bow and arrow. "Coz of angles! That's my side!"

"But that's not fair!" Darcy jumped up. "You get Iron Man, the Hulk _and _Hawkeye! I only get Thor!"

The deity in question, looking distressed, stepped forward to object and question his beloved as to why she had forsaken him for several of his teammates. Before he could interject however he was shushed by the man standing next to him. "Shh Point Break, this is getting good. "

"-and I want Hawkeye," Darcy continued on "you can have Black Widow."

"Black Widow's mine anyway" declared Jane.

Darcy screwed her face up in confusion. "How?"

"Guns." Jane said "Guns and velocity and stuff. That's science!"

"Fine but I still get Hawkeye!" Darcy huffed.

"Looks like you've made quite an impression on the intern there, Barton." Stark elbowed the archer in the side, waggling his eyebrows with a leer.

"-but tadject- tjaject-" Jane flailed around for a moment"...but angles Darcy!"

"_Fine!_ But when I get turned into a zombie you're the first one I'm coming after!"

Jane turned to their superhero audience apparently looking for someone to explain Darcy's line of reasoning only to be met with a variety of amused and/or confused expressions.

She turned back to Darcy. "Huh?"

"Coz arrows. In the Zombie Apockalisp. The archer shoots the zombies dead. Deader. So if I get my face chewed off because you're hogging the archer I'm coming after you!"

Stark cackled gleefully, elbowing Clint once again. "That explains it! It takes the end of the world for a cute stacked chic to want you Legolas!"

The archer glared at the billionaire before turning back to the show in front of them.

"Ooh! Ooh!" Darcy was leaping around in excitement and flapping her hand at Jane. "I _definitely_ get Cap'namricka!" She gestured towards Steve with a flourish "Coz he was a showgirl!"

The room stopped for a microsecond. Then sound was reasserted forcefully through the great guffaws and bellowing laughter that erupted from every direction.

Tony Stark was clutching his stomach he was laughing so hard and yet that couldn't stop him from singing "He-he! _'With yellow feathers'_ ha-ha _'in his hair...'_"

Steve's affront was written clearly on his face. "I was not a showgirl!" he cried.

Darcy walked over and attempted to lean her head on Steve's shoulder though the height difference meant her head ended up tucked somewhat under his armpit. "S'ok Cap'n! Coz it means I get to have you." She patted him on the arm before turning back to Jane. "I get to have Cap and Thor." She crossed her arms with a defiant look on her face. "You can have the rest!"

"But Thor's mine!" Jane cried and flung herself at her boyfriend.

"Fine, then I'll trade you Thor for the rest of the Avengers!"

"Whatever, just as long as I get Thor!" Jane mumbled into his chest.

"Sweet!" Darcy cried turning to look at the rest of the team. "I am _so_ going to survive the Zombie Apocalypse!"

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**AN:** If you've read this far I can only apologise again.


End file.
